They say “Anyone can make you smile, many people can make you cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile with tears in your eyes.”
Never experienced such a feeling- tears of happiness or shall I say “Khushi Ke Ansoo“.
Have come a very long way from where I actually was. Still so much to accomplish. At this age,25, there are people who’ve already achieved so much. But I am still struggling, because I am a slow starter. Or maybe just sheer bad luck.
But one thing is for sure, if you have committed mistakes, you will definitely pay for them in some w ay or the other.
Just like any other kid around, I had this feeling that I wanna be accepted by everyone. I wanna be the coolest one around. Initially, I was an extremely satisfied kid. All I wanted in childhood was chocolates & good food. No new clothes, no toys, nothing. I was extremely happy with my life. But slowly seeing everyone around, I started feeling inferior because of their behavior towards me. I was & always have been having this feeling of being considered as an outsider. I badly wanted to be a part of a social circle. But at the same time, I just could not be like them ever!!
Not that I am anti-social, just maybe I am not that good at faking. I have tried though but I realize how bad I have been.
Just like anyone would do, I tried but of no use. Drinks, partying, having a boyfriend, doing almost everything which I think I shouldn’t have done just for the heck of doing. But worst of all was lying, cheating, betraying, backstabbing each & every person who has ever cared for me.
I think all this has been a result of my over-thinking. Over-thinking just ruins everything!!!
I regret each & every thing. I have even apologized to some of them whereas some don’t even want to talk to me anymore. When I reflect back at it, I realize how dumb I have been all this while. I never understood people who actually cared for me & people who wanted me to fall down badly.
But all these things have made me even wiser & beautiful as a person. I can feel that beauty & wisdom. I can feel the change & enjoy it thoroughly.
My entire life till date can be an extremely beautiful example of a learning experience. And there is still so much more.
Maybe this struggle also might be preparing me for something much better.
Well this was just an overview. Will keep sharing the details and stories one by one.