We do grow Up eventually !!

Well. I have been leading an extremely contradicting sort of life. Beautiful people around me.I had been showered with so much love, care & affection from everyone around me. But at the same time, there have been ugly people, negative, who probably injected their venom in me also.

I had friends who were so nice people, in spite of my bad behavior with them. On the other hand, such people who considered me as their enemy for no apparent reason. As they always say, people who love you will keep loving you for no reason, & people who hate you will keep hating you- again for no apparent reason.

This feeling of being an outsider had started to blossom since then itself !!! I had soo many friends- but actually none of them!!

Today, I see the people whom I least expected, smiling at me, wishing the best for me; and people whom I never expected, having negative thoughts about me. Strange!! How things can change …

Sometimes I feel like, No one understands me … everyone is busy putting me down. I fought my darkness using the bricks that were thrown on me by these very people. I have learned the art of taking negative feedback & using it to keep on improving.

The only thing which I have not been able to sort out is my laziness !! Awwhhh how damn lazy I am !!! Also, the extent of over-thinking that I do that is too much seriously !!! Anyways I believe I’ll sort that also out just like other problems.

People are never bad … they just have some bad habits !! If those habits can be changed, you’ll love that person !!!

One of my colleagues got a new job. Its wonderful, I feel happy for her. But I can sense that more than her happiness, she thinks I’ll feel bad or jealous about it. I don’t know. I may be wrong, I mean my senses go bonkers sometimes. There was a time when I used to feel bad, I used to compare, feel jealous; just like anyone else would. But it feels amazing that I no longer feel jealous so often. Probably because my priorities are clear. I hardly had anything to feel about others any which ways !!

Once, you get your priorities clear, you will hardly have any negative emotions troubling you. Of course I am a bit upset about my career, but that does not mean I’ll feel bad why the other person’s doing well. I will be more concerned with why am I not doing that great. What I do feel bad about is, that people share their joys with me not as a friend but thinking that I’ll feel jealous … That is sad !! God bless them as he blessed me is all I can say !!!

Well that was a bit of anger. But that is bound to be there, it can’t be 100% positive.

Hello world!

They say “Anyone can make you smile, many people can make you cry, but it takes someone really special to make you smile with tears in your eyes.”

Never experienced such a feeling- tears of happiness or shall I say “Khushi Ke Ansoo“.

Have come a very long way from where I actually was. Still so much to accomplish. At this age,25, there are people who’ve already achieved so much. But I am still struggling, because I am a slow starter. Or maybe just sheer bad luck.

But one thing is for sure, if you have committed mistakes, you will definitely pay for them in some w ay or the other.

Just like any other kid around, I had this feeling that I wanna be accepted by everyone. I wanna be the coolest one around. Initially, I was an extremely satisfied kid. All I wanted in childhood was chocolates & good food. No new clothes, no toys, nothing. I was extremely happy with my life. But slowly seeing everyone around, I started feeling inferior because of their behavior towards me. I was & always have been having this feeling of being considered as an outsider. I badly wanted to be a part of a social circle. But at the same time, I just could not be like them ever!!

Not that I am anti-social, just maybe I am not that good at faking. I have tried though but I realize how bad I have been.

Just like anyone would do, I tried but of no use. Drinks, partying, having a boyfriend, doing almost everything which I think I shouldn’t have done just for the heck of doing. But worst of all was lying, cheating, betraying, backstabbing each & every person who has ever cared for me.

I think all this has been a result of my over-thinking. Over-thinking just ruins everything!!!

I regret each & every thing. I have even apologized to some of them whereas some don’t even want to talk to me anymore. When I reflect back at it, I realize how dumb I have been all this while. I never understood people who actually cared for me & people who wanted me to fall down badly.

But all these things have made me even wiser & beautiful as a person. I can feel that beauty & wisdom. I can feel the change & enjoy it thoroughly.

My entire life till date can be an extremely beautiful example of a learning experience. And there is still so much more.

Maybe this struggle also might be preparing me for something much better.

Well this was just an overview. Will keep sharing the details and stories one by one.

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🙂